There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
