If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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