a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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