Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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