Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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