yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
