I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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