he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize