I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
