Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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