worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize