they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
