I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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