i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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