I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is my gift to your gina
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
