ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize