How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
