Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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