Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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