last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
