i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
