just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
