The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
