Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
