i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
