Please, let me fuck your mom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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