well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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