chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize