If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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