my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
