I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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