my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
