I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
