I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
