I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
