Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
