I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
