i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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