i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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