Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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