Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Shame - the story of my life.
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