I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
