I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
