Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
