Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The beer is more important than you right now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
