pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
