I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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