Already got asked if we're dating
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
