Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
