OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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