she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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