Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pants are for mortals
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
