I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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