This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
