If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
