a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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