I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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