I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
