i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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