Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
