I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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