how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
