The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
