I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
