does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
