you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
