Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
