I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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