I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
