You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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