my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm like, not good at living.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
