So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
