well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
