so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my fart just growled at me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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