Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
