My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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