woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
