I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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