That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
