I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
